“HELP!!! What the fuck did I do to her!?”
“Oh My God! I am so sorry. I don’t know what has gotten into her!” Alicia pleaded. She herself was not sure what the man was reaching for in his pocket but now she hoped he would never try it again. The two had a heated argument over money. They had tussled around and Alicia had gotten him on the ground. He owed her for her time and Alicia was serious about getting what was due. He had been a regular “client” of hers for a while. He started coming around right before Amy came back to stay with her mom for good. Who said officers of the law never broke the rules?
The man lying on their living room floor was screaming to the top of his lungs in agony. He was also a Sugar Daddy in Alicia’s eyes. He was also someone very important in the city and had a lot of influence and friends in high places. Alicia was hoping her daughter had not messed up her chances of hitting a major lick.
This man had been cut in the palm of his hand. It was true he would need a few stitches, but no major surgeries or anything. Nothing she wasn’t sure he could handle. Amy was over this strange man in her home and Alicia was being overly dramatic, as usual. Her mother ran to the bathroom to grab towels to help stop the bleeding. All he could think was that he was just there for a good time on his lunch break, not a trip to the emergency room.
“Get your ass back out here and help me!” Amy’s mother yelled while in the hallway searching for more supplies. She was frantic and really wanting him to leave. The sound of her voice rang through the closed door as Amy was on the other side of. She was mentally unbothered. Although Amy’s adrenaline was pumping and she could feel her heart beating through her chest, she had no remorse. That quick altercation gave her a rush that she needed and honestly enjoyed. That was not the first time she had cut someone or used a weapon before. It was not something she preferred to do but over time she had actually gotten quite good at it. Growing up in foster care for a good chunk of your life had a way of changing you. If and when Amy was triggered she became a totally different person than what most people realized at first glance. Her past had given her much practice in self-defense and matters of the heart. Her exterior had a way of remaining hard while her soul and heart was often soft when loved properly.
“Ok, ssshhh. Ok, here. Please don’t press charges. I will make it up to you. I swear...but you still owe me” Alicia pleaded with the man now standing up on his feet. He had a towel pressed against his hand and was looking furious. Although he had just been victimized he decided it was best if he just left. He managed to throw her money on the floor.
“Consider yourself very lucky” he threatened. I don’t know how I’m going to explain this to my wife!” the man said as he walked to his car. Alicia was very slick in the way he handled her men. She may have been an alcoholic but money made her focus laser sharp. While her lover was in the bathroom, she pickpocketed a little more cash than he would have liked. Amy stood up pacing the room while putting her long hair in a ponytail. She could see from the window that the man was leaving. Then noticed a spot of blood on the bottom of her pants leg. Apparently a little had splattered on her as she was leaving the room. Just as Amy started to look under her bed for her notebook she was interrupted when her mother came bursting through the door.
“Have you lost your damn mind!? He was here to help me! So now you just go around cutting people for no reason?” Alicia blurted out in a loud tone. By now Amy was visibly annoyed but her mother did not care. She had a special way of pushing the right buttons. She was going on a rant. Yelling, screaming, and calling her daughter names. All of a sudden she wanted to be a mother. It all fell on deaf ears.
“For no reason? You bring strange men in here all the time, I had my reasons...” Her mother’s parenting skills and lack thereof was a constant topic of discussion. Alicia had put Amy out on the street, had strange men staying with them from time to time, and sold some of her daughter's belongings to buy liquor and cigarettes before. Amy had no reason to believe things would now be different. Amy was almost of legal age and ready to make her own decisions. Amy was always looking for a job she could work after school so she primarily would not have to be home. She could not depend on her mom and her part-time waitressing job to fix all of their problems. Especially when she hardly showed up for work for being so hungover. A part of her wanted to work, save and move away forever. Start her own life and be carefree. The other part wanted to help her mother get sober and maybe they would be able to be normal after that. Wishful thinking...
“You don’t know shit! He was going to give me money for all that I needed so your ungrateful ass will have somewhere to sleep at night!” Alicia stated coldly. Amy stared back at her intently and with a crazy look in her eye.
“I’m sure you got something out of him, right?” Amy boldly questioned. Her hands were folded in front of her. She was still scanning the room for where she had last seen her notebook. She suddenly had some shit to get off her chest.
“That is none of your damn business. I really don’t have to explain shit to you” Alicia hollered then stormed out the room. The roles seemed to have reversed somewhere along the way.
“The dude acts like he is going to pull out a weapon out or something and I’m just supposed to ignore it? Fine!” Amy yelled back. They’re argument got so loud you could hear them from the street. For Alicia, it was like staring into a mirror. Deep down she hated that it had gotten like this between them. Her mother was turning in her grave she was sure of it but she couldn’t stand that her daughter was that much like her, both the good and bad. Alicia was already way too gone to be able to save both of them. Amy was headed down a dangerous path of her own and she did not even know it.
“Maybe I won’t give a fuck next time!!!” Amy said to herself. She often wished she had siblings or someone she could confide in but was glad not to drag anyone else through her storm.
Not even two minutes later Amy could hear her mother already on the phone bad mouthing her when all she was trying to do was come to her rescue. She wanted to yank the cord out the wall. The rocky relationship between the two of them was shaping the young woman Amy was bound to become. Wild and irresponsible. Luckily for her, Amy wanted more out of life but that often came at a cost.
Hopelessness engulfs the flames that burn within me
I fight just so they can see
I want to be nothing like you
But everything like me
Like a caged bird, one day set Free
The clock tocks for me
I tick for it
Never will I be able to forget the hurt
But Still I remain…
-Amy Noelle Smith
Amy drifted off to sleep after writing the last of her words for the night in her tattered book. Tears fell from her eyes as she rested. She had a vivid dream of her Grandmother loving and taking good care of her like she used to. Amy could see herself helping her in the kitchen, picking fruit from the trees in the front yard to make pies and asking her Granny to comb her hair at night before she tucked her into bed. Only in a perfect world would days like that be a reality again.
Amy awoke to loud music blasting and a man stumbling into her bedroom by mistake. That same box cutter was in arms reach. Amy walked toward the living room and was greeted by large clouds of smoke. There were people all throughout the tiny house. Drinking, dancing, holding loud conversations and playing cards. Alicia was right in the mix and working on her next conquest.
“Hey, hey, here go my baby ya’ll… Ms. Amy. My little woman.” Amy’s mother was inebriated by now for sure. Amy rolled her eyes and headed back to her bedroom, locking the door from the inside. She still had a blunt rolled from the weed Zack had given her in the pocket of her jacket. She hadn’t had a chance to enjoy it and now was the perfect time. She pulled it out and sparked it. The smoke was already floating throughout the house so her joint would not make a difference. She played Frank Ocean’s Thinkin Bout You and zoned out. She wondered what made Zack want to sell drugs. She did not know much about him but was curious to find out. Amy had heard rumors and knew he had heart, but she intended to find out just how much.